Something Else is Wrong With Bella
by DarkPhoenixForce
Summary: so my friend made a comment after the sixth movie that bella was like luna's evil twin. you have been warned. inspired in part by the sixth movie.
1. Chapter 1: Bella's strange morning

Lucius Malfoy grumbled to himself as he sat at the dining table. He hated mornings. Suddenly,

Bellatrix…skipped in? He rubbed his eyes. Yes, she was skipping, as well as whistling cheerfully. "Hello,

Lucius!" she exclaimed happily. "Isn't it just a lovely day? Would you help me distribute candy to the

poor, muggle orphans?"

The thud of him fainting in shock made her suspect that he would have to pass up this delightful opportunity. "Oh, no, the Nargles must have gotten him." She left and went to find the Dark Lord.

He was busy practicing making scary faces in the mirror(obviously, this wasn't a difficult feat). "Hello," Bella said in a dreamy voice. Voldemort jumped at the sight of her. "Bella, are those…radish earrings?"

"Yes, do you like them?" "Uh…" Snape burst into the room. "My Lord, I…" he trailed off when he saw Bellatrix." Oh, good," she said, "you're just in time to come Nargle-hunting with us."

Voldemort would have raised an eyebrow at this, but, seeing as he didn't have any, he contented himself with asking, "Nargle-hunting? Bella, we don't have time for…" She pulled out a copy of the Quibbler. "But they make your brain go all fuzzy. We should find a lot of them around Potter."

"Hmm…she might have a point," Snape muttered to Voldemort. "Are you insane? There's obviously something wrong with her head!" he replied. "My Lord, there's _always_ been something wrong with Bella's head." He started to argue then stopped. "You're right."

"Alright Bella, we'll come with you."


	2. Chapter 2: Luna's strange morning

Luna sat up in bed, hissing at the light streaming in through the tower window. "Good morning, Luna," one of the few people who were nice to her said. "Crucio," she muttered. It didn't accomplish its intended task, but it did make the girl run away in fear. That was good enough. She got out of bed.

Several minutes later, she found herself sitting in the great hall, reading the Daily Prophet in silence. "Wow, look," a passing Slytherin said, "Not only is Loony reading something other than that Quibbler trash, but she thinks she can sit at our table too."

Luna waved her wand dismissively and the boy fell to the ground, screaming in agony. McGonagall rushed to the scene. "What on earth happened?" Luna glanced unconcernedly at her victim. "He was annoying me," she replied.

McGonagall sputtered something, blinked, rubbed her glasses clean, and peered at Luna in concern.

"I can't believe I'm saying this, but I'm going to have to give you detention, Ms. Lovegood."  
Umbridge strode up importantly, "That won't be necessary, Minerva, dear, I will supervise her detention." Umbridge smiled sweetly, "I think a few lines should teach her not to attack members of my Inquisitorial Squad." "Not likely," Luna replied.

"Excuse me," Umbridge said.

"Pathetic Ministry scum, you're just as incompetent as Fudge." Umbridge stared at her in horror.

Luna continued, "Don't worry, the Dark Lord will take care of that."

Umbridge's eyes narrowed, "A week will be added to your punishment, Ms. Lovegood. For spreading lies." She stormed off.

McGonagall stood, partly in shock and partly in amusement.

"May I inquire as to why you are not at the Ravenclaw table?" she asked.

Luna shrugged, "Slytherin just felt…more like home this morning."


	3. Chapter 3: The Knight Bus

A/N: This chapter co-written by Wings of Dawn.

Chapter 3:

Bellatrix, Snape, and Voldemort boarded the Knight Bus as its conductors cowered in fear. "Relax, we're just going Nargle-hunting," Bella told them in a dreamy voice. She pulled out her "Nargle-vision-goggles" then blinked, "My, there's a swarm of nargles around your heads!" "Uh...," Stan Shunpike said. "Hey can we get a picture for the Daily Prophet?" "Absolutely not," Voldemort hissed. Bella skipped to a seat. Stan leaned over to Ernie and whispered, "Wow, Azkaban must have been worse than we thought. It sure did a number on Lestrange's head. And just when I thought she couldn't get any crazier."

Meanwhile, Bellatrix was sitting in her seat, kicking her feet happily and enchanting a super-caffine-packed cappucino in front of her, downing its contents in one gulp. "Mmm, that was quite delicous."

Voldemort and Snape just stared at her, their eyes twitching. "Um...Bella, why aren't you wearing any shoes?" Voldemort aked. "Well, you see, people think it's funny to hide them." Snape raised his eyebrow. "Wow, even _I_ didn't think the other death eaters were that stupid."

Bellatrix shrugged, "It always comes back in the end." She glanced out the window. "Oh, it seems we are almost to the nargle hunting grounds!"

Suddenly the bus slammed to a stop and the Miister of Magic got on. "Hello, Minister. Still believe that He Who Must Not be Named isn''t back?"

Bellatrix hopped up, skipping past Fudge with a cheerful wave, and exiting the bus with Snape and Voldemort following behind her.

The minister promptly fainted.


	4. Chapter 4: Detention With Umbridge

Partly inspired by a story about an add Ravenclaw, and something Wings of Dawn thought of.

"Alright, Ms. Lovegood, you will be writing lines."

"You couldn't be more specific, could you?" Luna said scornfully.

Umbridge smiled sweetly, "Write 'I must not insult the Minister'."

"Too bad it's so easy," Luna muttered with a scowl.

She began to write. Suddenly, a sharp pain caused her to stop.

The words had scratched themselves into the back of her hand.

"Wow, I must admit…that's a very clever form of torture."

"I hope it teaches you not to say such things about Cornelius."

Luna smirked, "Well only a complete moron would _not _see that every insult about him is true."

"Young lady, I will not stand for this…treason!"

Luna stood up, "The Dark Lord is who you should be following! He would not tolerate the things your precious Minister does, like allowing Mudbloods to learn magic. They are unworthy to even have a wand."

Umbridge paused,"Hmmm…be that as it may…"

"And another thing, why is Dumbledore still in charge?"

Umbridge's eyes widened, and then she smiled evilly, "You brilliant child! Finally someone agrees with…"

"Dolores!" McGonagall, who had just walked in, exclaimed.

"I mean…what are you doing here, Minerva, dear?" Umbridge asked sweetly.

"I'm here to take Luna to the hospital wing. Madam Pomfrey thinks she might have suffered a concussion. It would certainly account for…her unusual behavior, like building a shrine to He Who Must Not Be Named in her room."

Luna cackled madly, "Soon you will see the true power of the dark lord!"

She stood and pulled out her wand, "Stupify!"

The two teachers flew into the walls, and Luna sprinted out of the classroom, leaving the small first year who also had detention that day, to faint in shock.


	5. Chapter 5: Scaring Relatives

"So…what are we looking for, exactly," Voldemort asked.

"Nargles," Bella replied.

"So…why are we in Little Whinging?"

"I told you already, Nargles make your brain go fuzzy. There should be a lot of them around these _particular_ muggles."

They were standing in front of Number 4 Privet Drive. Snape was contemplating the wisdom of hitting her over the head and making a break for it. Before he got a chance to act on this, however, the door opened and a large, beefy man with a walrus-like mustache walked out.

"Goodbye, Petunia…what are you people doing here?!"

A bony woman with a long neck rushed into view.

"We're hunting Nargles," Bella explained cheerfully.

They stared at the three in horror.

"That's it!" the man hissed. "Now some of _his_ lot shows up on our very doorstep?! He has to leave for good!"

"Who does?" Voldemort asked.

"That Potter boy!"

"You're Potter's relatives?" an evil smile crossed his face. "Bella, you're brilliant!"

"Thank you. Now let's leave before we bother these kind people any longer."

"What?! But we could interrogate them! This might be my chance to finally figure out how to get rid of Potter. Why else did you bring us here?!"

"To go Nargle-hunting silly," she replied dreamily.

Snape took a step backward, "You really are crazy, aren't you?"

She smiled, "I prefer to consider myself as a creative thinker."

Voldemort growled and handed Snape a twenty pound note. "Fine, you were right."

"Told you," Snape smirked.

"Now what?" the most famous dark lord of all time asked, as he was completely stumped on how to deal with his eccentric follower, who was acting even more not right in the head than usual.

"Hmm, maybe they keep some in the department of Mysteries," Bella mused.


	6. Chapter 6:Hijacking the Knight Bus

Luna, Harry, Ron, Hermione, and Neville stood in the rain as a clap of thunder was heard. A purple triple decker bus appeared. The door opened and they got on. Pulling out her wand, she turned to face the conductors. "Alright, from now on, you do everything I say when I say it, got it?"

They laughed, "We're not taking orders from a fourth ye…agh!" one of them flew back into the wall where he slumped, unconscious, to the floor.

She glanced at the other one. "Uh…"

"Imperio," she said.

His eyes glazed over.

"Now, take us to the Ministry of Magic."

"Uh, Luna?" Harry said.

"What?" she snapped.

"Are you…alright?"

"Never better," she hexed someone out of their chair and sat down.

"Uh oh," Ron muttered,"_Dad's_ not going to be happy that we stupefied his boss, but _Percy's_ likely to murder us."

"Speaking of which," Hermione murmured as Ron's older brother strode up.

"Ron! What have you done?! You stupiefied the...ugh!"

He flew backward as Luna stupiefied him.

"Luna!" Hermione cried, "You can't do that!"

"Actually," Harry piped up, "after all the things Percy's said about me being a liar, I could get used to this."

Hermione rolled her eyes as Ron laughed. Neville just edged slowly away, eyeing her nervously.

"Right, now, you say you saw that blood-traitor, Sirius Black is being held captive by the dark lord?" she asked.

"Yeah, and when I said we needed transportation, hijacking the Knight Bus wasn't exactly what I had in mind," he replied slowly.

"But it totally works," he added hastily as she raised her wand.

"So…" Ron said, "I guess we just wait till we get there."

"If we get there," Hermione muttered.


	7. Chapter 7:The Department of Mysteries

"Hmm…I knew it!" Bella cried as they entered the Department of Mysteries.

"What?" Voldemort asked sharply.

She turned to face him, smiling triumphantly. "You see all of these crystal balls?"

"Yessss," he said slowly.

"If the Minister had taken the time to research, he would have learned from one of these that Luke isn't the chosen one, Anakin is."

"What…?" Snape asked in a rare moment of confusion.

"Bella," Voldemort said in an obvious attempt not to lose his temper, "do you know where the prof…I mean, the Nargles are?"

"This way," she led them down several rows until Snape cried, "Master, there it is!"

"Stop!" Voldemort commanded.

They stopped. A moment passed.

"Now what?" Snape asked.

"Potter should be arriving any minute now."

"Forgive me," Bella said dreamily, wtihout taking her gaze from the shelves of prophecies, "but, if we're trying to surprise Potter, then why are we standing in plain sight?"  
"Ummm…." Voldemort trailed off.

"Harry!" a voice exclaimed, "it's him!"

"Oh great," Snape muttered.

A clumsy looking boy stepped forward. "Bellatrix Lestrange!"

"Hello Neville," Bella replied dreamily, "how's your year been?"

His mouth opened and closed several times, "What…?"

"That's what I said," Snape told him.

Everyone stood for a moment without saying anything.

"Yeah…" Harry broke the silence, "so…where's Sirius?"

"He's not here," Voldemort laughed evilly, "I tricked you!"

"Duh," Luna said boredly, "of course you did. It is Potter we're dealing with, remember?"

"I think we should start trying to kill each other now," Harry said slowly.

"Yes," the dark lord agreed, "a bit of a return to the usual would be nice."  
"What do you mean?"

Voldemort sighed, "You have no idea how weird of a day we've all been having. I mean one minute my best follower goes insane, you know, more so than she already was, and then I find myself on a Nargle-hunt. I mean…what is a Nargle, anyway?"

Harry's mouth dropped, "I've had a weird day too! My friend Luna has been acting like a Death Eater. She jinxed some of our teachers!"

"Wait," Voldemort said slowly, "acting like a _death eater_?"

"Maybe they switched brains," Hermione suggested.

"That depends, did she crucio anyone yet?"

"Yes," they answered taking a simultaneous step back.

"Yep," Voldemort smiled happily, "that's Bella!"

"But," Harry asked, "who could have done this?"

At that exact time, in a galaxy far, far…ahh!!!!!!! The author exclaimed, "I'm turning into Luna, er,Bella, um…"

At that moment in a castle many miles away, Albus Dumbledore smiled to himself as he watched the encounter over the ministry's new muggle security cameras. Arthur Weasly, you truly are a genius. And, Dumbledore laughed, it really was quite clever to switch their brains. Quite tricky too, but worth it.

"I hope you know what you're doing, Albus," the recovering McGonagall said.

"Don't worry, Minerva, it's all for their own good. Voldemort would have killed them all by now if I hadn't stumped him with this one. Ah, Tom," he chuckled, "truly there _are_ things worse than death. Lemon drop?" he offered McGonagall.


End file.
